I knew I had mentioned that the upcoming months would be tough. Well, turns out they're hitting me sooner than I expected. Lately, I've been grappling with anxiety, overthinking, and sleepless nights. I think it all roots from me not being the most patient person around. When there's something I need to get done, I prefer doing it on my own timeline. When others can't keep up, it triggers a wave of worry, doubt, and overthinking that consumes me. On top of that, I have this odd insecurity that prevents me from feeling ownership of something until I have a complete hold of it. For instance, an employment contract signed by both parties vs. me actually doing the job.
These past few weeks have taken a toll on me, and I can only imagine what's in store for the weeks to come. It's frustrating how my mind tends to spiral into scenarios that probably won't even happen anyways. For instance, I recently found myself asking a bunch of people whether I should follow up on something because I was worried that reaching out would annoy the person I was following up with. Silly, I know, but my overthinking tendencies can really take over sometimes. Luckily, someone reminded me that if I remain passive, I'll just stay stuck where I am. Straightforward, yet it snapped me back to reality. It's about time we start doing things for ourselves, without selling ourselves short. No more underestimating our worth. All I really aim for is for everything to go according to plan, or at least for the end goal to stay the same – and yes, ideally on my timeline.
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